SEX AND FASTING – By Delly Singah Philips

5

As soon as I cleared out the dishes I went into the bedroom, not bothering to say goodnight to Kenny in the living room. I knew he was going to be coming to bed soon enough. I needed him to think I was fast asleep by the time he came to bed. I quickly got into the bathroom and had a quick shower before climbing into bed. I made sure I put on my long pyjamas so there was no way he could have easy access to my body. About an hour later when I heard him climb into bed and turn the other way, I finally let out the breath I was holding. I managed to escape the sex tonight.

By the time I woke up the next morning, I knew we were going to have another round of noise and fight and I quickly said a silent prayer to God for strength. I could feel his hand roaming round my body relentlessly and there was no doubt in my mind what the expected end result to be. I opened my eyes and took a glimpse at the clock on the wall. It was just 6.am. I turned and removed his hands from my body and tried to get up only to be pulled back. By the third time of going through the same motion, he finally spoke up.
”Babe, what is the excuse today? It has been 2 weeks for Christ sake. How am I supposed to be happy if you won’t even have sex with me?” He said with obvious frustration in his voice.
”So your happiness is now tied to sex? You still don’t get it do you? I am doing this for us. For our home and our future. I told you before I started that this was going to happen and you agreed and now you want to make me feel guilty. Seriously I am confused.”
”Omololami, you know I am not opposed to prayer and fasting. I love God too and I go to church but you cannot honestly expect me not to have sex for the next 100 days just because you want to fast”
I was so angry at that statement and I flared up,
”Seriously Kenny, are you kidding me right now? What happened to self control? This just shows how far you have fallen from the faith. Is this not the same you that used to fast with me all the time before we got married? So all that spirituality was a lie? Did we not court for two years without sex? So you must have been cheating on me.”
”What? How can you say that? Are you crazy? How can you even compare both scenarios? I was single then now I am married. Why did I get married if I can’t have sex?”
”Oh so now I am a sex machine? You married me for the sex?” I asked
”You know what, I wont waste my time having this fruitless conversation with you. I am warning you for the last time. I wont take this your fasting bullshit and you will learn to respect me in this house. If this is the rubbish they are teaching you in church, I will ban you from going there”
”You wont dare Kehinde Ayorinde. You will not dare. If I ever have to choose between you and my God, trust me, you will loose. It is God first and you second. That devil that is trying to use you, will not find a place”.
”Try me, Lola, just try me” he said as he walked into the bathroom and slammed the door.
I walked out of the room and went into the kitchen heartbroken. As I went about making Kenny’s lunch that he usually takes to work I was so sad. I didn’t understand Kenny’s bitterness towards my relationship with God. I didn’t expect to have these kind of issues just 6 months after marriage. He knew how much I loved God and how much that relationship means to me and he was proving so difficult. We even talked about this while we were courting and he used to tell me how much he loved my passion for God. We have tried getting pregnant for the past 5 months and nothing has happened and I knew I needed to tackle it in prayer before 5 months turned to 15 years and I told him I decided to join the 100 days fast in church. Initially, he had agreed to join me but 3 days after he stopped. I didn’t get offended. I decided to do the prayers myself, I just did not expect him to be so bitter about it. As I finished packing his lunch about 30 minutes later, Kenny came out fully dressed and just walked past me without picking up his food as usual. I quickly ran after him and caught up with him just as he was getting into his car.
”You didn’t take your food” I said.
”Take that rubbish food and get out of my sight. I don’t want your food, now or ever until you learn to respect me and until you decide what is more important to you” he said and slammed the door, driving away while I stood there mouth agape.
We had a lot of disagreements over sex in the last two weeks but I had never seen Kenny so bitter before. I knew there and then I needed to pray for my home. Casting out every demon that suddenly possessed my husband…
As soon as Kehinde left for work, I decided to take his matter to God in prayer. I went on my knees and was lost in prayer for the next four hours.
”Father, defend me in my marriage, cast out every demon that has possessed my husband’s heart”. Proverbs 21:1 says, “The king’s heart is in the hand of the lord, he turns it whichever way. Oh God turn my husband’s heart away from sex and all things of the flesh during these 100 days of fasting, in the name of Jesus. Towards the end of my prayer, I suddenly got an inspiration from the Holy Spirit on what to do next.
There was no point trying to tell Kenny he could not have sex with me, I only had to use wisdom to avoid it by doing things that will not even get him interested. So I decided not to have my bath the whole of that day. I knew how much Kenny liked me bathing and all clean. By the time he got home around 7pm that day, I made sure dinner was ready. I could not have been more wrong because another argument ensued as soon as he came in through the door.
”Madam, have you sorted out your issues yet?” he said.
”What issues Kenny? Please come and have your dinner”.
”Did you think I was joking? Did you think not taking your bath will work on me? Or you did you think I will not know you enough to know that not taking your bath is a tactic to avoid sex?”
I was quite shocked and kind of speechless that he immediately realized what my plan was.
”Kenny, please be understanding. I need to consecrate myself to God”. I resorted to begging instead.
”Lola, get it straight, I am not asking you not to fast. What is wrong with having sex between 6pm that you break your fast and midnight that the next day starts? That is all I am asking” he tried to negotiate.
”I am sorry Kenny, I don’t believe that is good enough. I am supposed to be consecrated for 100 days. Having sex during that time just makes me feel unclean”. I explained.
”What is unclean about sex between husband and wife babe? It is totally biblical”
”See Kenny, you just need to be patient. I have just 85 days left and then we can go back to doing the dirty”.
”Let me tell you something Lola, this is the last time I will have this discussion with you. If you cannot find a way to balance your marriage and fasting, then you just might not have a marriage to come back to after your 100 days”.
”What do you mean by that Kenny? God forbid such confession?” I said immediately.
Kenny left me standing there and went into the room. My surprise was complete later that night when he moved most of his things to the guest room. I was going to beg him but I just later decided it was for the best if he stayed in the guest room for the next 85 days. This was probably God’s way of creating a solution for me. I went on my knees that night and sang in gratitude to God for making a way for me where I thought there was none.
By day 60 of my fasting and prayer, I was officially frustrated. The joy and excitement I got from fasting and prayer had gone. Kenny and I had become total strangers in the house. He had not eaten my food in over 6 weeks and I was officially worried. He had started coming home quite late and we did not even talk anymore. Every time I tried to talk to him, he just shut me out. We both went to work and came back and went into separate rooms. I did not even know where to start from. I knew for a fact I had not done anything wrong and was just doing the best for our marriage and I wondered constantly why Kenny was so blinded by unreasonable rage. I wondered where all the promises of not going to bed in anger went.
I finally reached the end of my rope that week when I got a text from him around 8pm saying,
”Don’t wait up for me. I wont be coming home tonight”.
I could not believe my eyes and I immediately sent him a text saying,
” Where are you? Why wont you come home?”
His reply made me burst into tears. ”Please ask the holy spirit to reveal it to you in prayer”
As soon as Kehinde left for work, I decided to take his matter to God in prayer. I went on my knees and was lost in prayer for the next four hours.
”Father, defend me in my marriage, cast out every demon that has possessed my husband’s heart”. Proverbs 21:1 says, “The king’s heart is in the hand of the lord, he turns it whichever way. Oh God turn my husband’s heart away from sex and all things of the flesh during these 100 days of fasting, in the name of Jesus. Towards the end of my prayer, I suddenly got an inspiration from the Holy Spirit on what to do next.
There was no point trying to tell Kenny he could not have sex with me, I only had to use wisdom to avoid it by doing things that will not even get him interested. So I decided not to have my bath the whole of that day. I knew how much Kenny liked me bathing and all clean. By the time he got home around 7pm that day, I made sure dinner was ready. I could not have been more wrong because another argument ensued as soon as he came in through the door.
”Madam, have you sorted out your issues yet?” he said.
”What issues Kenny? Please come and have your dinner”.
”Did you think I was joking? Did you think not taking your bath will work on me? Or you did you think I will not know you enough to know that not taking your bath is a tactic to avoid sex?”
I was quite shocked and kind of speechless that he immediately realized what my plan was.
”Kenny, please be understanding. I need to consecrate myself to God”. I resorted to begging instead.
”Lola, get it straight, I am not asking you not to fast. What is wrong with having sex between 6pm that you break your fast and midnight that the next day starts? That is all I am asking” he tried to negotiate.
”I am sorry Kenny, I don’t believe that is good enough. I am supposed to be consecrated for 100 days. Having sex during that time just makes me feel unclean”. I explained.
”What is unclean about sex between husband and wife babe? It is totally biblical”
”See Kenny, you just need to be patient. I have just 85 days left and then we can go back to doing the dirty”.
”Let me tell you something Lola, this is the last time I will have this discussion with you. If you cannot find a way to balance your marriage and fasting, then you just might not have a marriage to come back to after your 100 days”.
”What do you mean by that Kenny? God forbid such confession?” I said immediately.
Kenny left me standing there and went into the room. My surprise was complete later that night when he moved most of his things to the guest room. I was going to beg him but I just later decided it was for the best if he stayed in the guest room for the next 85 days. This was probably God’s way of creating a solution for me. I went on my knees that night and sang in gratitude to God for making a way for me where I thought there was none.
By day 60 of my fasting and prayer, I was officially frustrated. The joy and excitement I got from fasting and prayer had gone. Kenny and I had become total strangers in the house. He had not eaten my food in over 6 weeks and I was officially worried. He had started coming home quite late and we did not even talk anymore. Every time I tried to talk to him, he just shut me out. We both went to work and came back and went into separate rooms. I did not even know where to start from. I knew for a fact I had not done anything wrong and was just doing the best for our marriage and I wondered constantly why Kenny was so blinded by unreasonable rage. I wondered where all the promises of not going to bed in anger went.
I finally reached the end of my rope that week when I got a text from him around 8pm saying,
”Don’t wait up for me. I wont be coming home tonight”.
I could not believe my eyes and I immediately sent him a text saying,
” Where are you? Why wont you come home?”
His reply made me burst into tears. ”Please ask the holy spirit to reveal it to you in prayer”
My marriage is in trouble.
I decided that night that I had had enough of Kenny’s erratic behaviour and we needed counselling. I waited for him to come home the next morning but he never showed up. I called him around noon when I was getting worried but he did not pick my call. I got a text shortly after saying,
”I am quite surprised you are looking for me. Don’t worry, I am fine. Don’t let me distract you from God”.
I decided it was time to seek counsel from my pastor’s wife.
As I sat down with Mummy as we normally call her that evening after a word of prayer and recounted the full story of our challenges from the beginning of the fasting period. I was quite hopeful that I will get solutions on the next step to take. Mummy looked at me and shook her head as I showed her the last text I got from Kenny from my phone.
”Sister Lola, what does the Bible say about our parents and honour?”
”Honour your father and mother, that your days might be long” I quickly replied wondering why we were talking about my parents when it was my marriage that needed healing.
”Do you remember when you came to me and decided you wanted to marry this young man who was barely a baby in the lord. I warned you to look for giants in the spirit. If you had honoured my words, surely the days of your marriage would have been long”, she said with obvious annoyance.
”I am sorry mummy, I love my husband and I think he loves God too”
”He loves God? You are still defending his actions? A man that cannot agree with you in prayer? That will not deny his body to feed his spirit? She asked me.
”I am sorry ma” I quickly said. Mummy was known for her short temper and I did not want to get on her bad side.
”Anyway the deed has been done. We need to find a way forward. You see the devil is not resting. He is obviously seeking to devour your marriage. Remember the scripture in Ephesians 6: 12 says, we wrestle not against flesh and blood but against principalities, against powers and against the rulers of the darkness of this world. The battle is not with your husband. It is a fight in the spirit”.
”Okay ma” I said.
”The devil knows this fast is going to liberate your marriage and he wants to stop it at all cost. The flesh will be satisfied eventually but you need to be spiritually fortified first. So make sure you complete it in total consecration to God”.
”Okay ma. What do I now do about his refusal to come home ma?”
”Oh don’t worry Lola, he will come home. He is like the prodigal son, he will surely return. Let us pray my dear”.
By the time I left my pastor’s house after about two hours of prayer. I felt stronger and better. Kenny was just over reacting and I was definitely on the right course. I just needed to keep praying and not let me faith be shaken. When I got home and met Kenny relaxing in the sitting room, it confirmed to me that everything mummy said was correct since he returned like she had prophesied.
As the days passed things got more estranged. Kenny stopped going to our church and demanded I move to this new church he found. Of course I vehemently refused. It is important to be grounded and not church belly-hopping. I got daily text motivations from my mummy in the lord and that just encouraged me.
Finally the last day of the 100 days came and it was announced in church that couples should endeavour to attend together since there was going to be an all night prayer. I begged and pleaded with Kenny but he adamantly refused. I went to church alone that night and prayed every prayer possible. My joy knew no bounds the next morning because I knew that all the fight I had been n by having with Kenny was finally going to be over. I was going to make sure we had as much sex as he wanted that night.
It has been a week since I finished fasting and Kenny has still not spent a single night in the house. Every morning he came home to dress for work and didn’t come home till the next morning. Every morning I met him at the door begging and cajoling but it was always the same. He totally ignored me, walked past into the guest room and walked back out once he was done changing cloths and having his bath. Not one word was ever said in acknowledgment. 
I began to think I probably should have compromised during the 100 days. I did not expect him to take it this far. I did not even know what plausible solution I could execute. I knew sex was a big deal to men but it was always painful for me anyway so I was never all excited about it. On our wedding night, when Kenny deflowered me, I thought I was only going to feel the pain for less than a week but it has been six months and every single intimacy we have had was laced with very uncomfortable pain. Chauvinist as Kenny was, he felt I was just making a mountain out of a molehill and sex could not be as painful as I was making it to be. Truth was if not for the sake of procreation I was comfortable not having sex ever. The hype is definitely more than the experience.
I finally decided that maybe some physical solution was needed since the spiritual was not solving Kenny and I’s problem. I went to Google that afternoon as I got home from work and searched ” how to stop painful sex”. As soon as I finished reading of different positions to do to ease the pain and how the pain was coming from my mind. I made a few decisions on making sure sex became enjoyable. Next, I Googled, ”how to seduce your husband and I felt so uncomfortable with the sheer number of unholy things I discovered. I decided to take a bold step and put some things I found to practice to ensure Kenny finally stayed home for the night. As alien as it felt, I typed some steamy texts I found online to Kenny at one hour interval each,
”I am burning with desire for you honey”
When I did not get any response an hour later, I sent another one I found online,
”I can’t focus, all I can think about is what you will do to me if you were here with me”
Still no response, I sent this 30 minutes later,
”You taught me how to make love, tonight I will show you how much I have learnt”
I got a response after this saying,
”Please I am in a meeting with the board”
I was so happy I literally jumped up from my seat. This was the only statement Kenny had sent to me in a week and I decided to send more.
”Just thinking about you inside of me…”
He responded immediately,
”Stop this rubbish Omolola”
I decided I had had enough of Google and composed one text message of my own.
”Please come home and stay tonight. I accept I was wrong. I want to make it right and make it up to you. Please give me a chance, I love you baby”.
He responded simply with,
”Okay”.
I was so happy and I quickly jumped up from the couch and drove to the supermarket. I bought a new matching lingerie, a foot massage kit and also full body massage oil. I had read on Google that massaging the foot and body could do wonders in pointing in the right direction. I also bought a lubricator. Google had taught me so much. I immediately rushed home after and prepared fried rice with plantain and peppered chicken for Kenny. By 8pm, I was finally done and ready for him to walk in. I sat on the sofa in my lingerie and the table was already set. I tried calling Kenny but his phone was off so I waited.
I must have slept off on the sofa because the sound of the door being opened woke me up the next morning at about 7am. Kenny never showed up last night. He walked in and paused for a minute staring at me before walking past as usual to the guest room. I sat down in frustration and cried so hard. I was still crying when he closed the door.
On Saturday morning when Kenny walked into the house, I had decided enough was enough and I was not going to pay for my sins forever. He had no right whatsoever to keep sleeping outside the house under the guise of anger. I was already waiting for him and as soon as he stepped in, I just blew up,
”Where do you think you are coming from oga?” I shouted.
He looked at me like I had suddenly grown two heads and to my surprise he replied, ”Sunrise hotel”.
”Is that where you have been staying?” I asked unsure. Not expecting him to answer in the first place.
”Yes I got a room there” he answered and looked at me, ”Is that all? he asked.
”No, that is not all Kenny and don’t make me feel stupid. You have been sleeping outside for the past three weeks and now I am questioning you, you’re acting ignorant” I was truly bewildered.
”Madam, you asked me where I have been and I answered you. How am I acting ignorant?”
”Kenny, once again, I am sorry”.
”Okay I have heard. Just to be clear though, what exactly are you sorry for?”
”Well, I am sorry for depriving you of sex and fasting without your agreement. I am sorry for being inconsiderate of your feelings. Please can we just go back to how we were?”
”Okay, I have heard you” he said with a straight face.
”Kenny, please now. What else do you want me to say or do?”
”Lola I said I have heard. Please don’t stress me. I want to ride around the estate on my bicycle for a while. Is that okay?”
”Okay, that is fine. Do you promise to stay at home from today?” I asked
”Yes, I will. So can I go change and head out now?”
I nodded and got out of his way and he immediately went to the room and changed into his riding outfit. He always looked so handsome in his tights and t-shirt whenever he wanted to exercise and watching him come out of the bedroom, I went to give him a hug half expecting him to turn me away but he gave me a very lingering hug and left soon afterwards. I was so giddy from the obvious reconciliation, I decided to cook something nice for his breakfast when he returned.
A little over thirty minutes later, I got the call that changed my life forever. With tears in my eyes not knowing what to expect, I grabbed my car keys and rushed out of the house to the hospital address I had been given. I still could not believe my ears that Kenny had been in an accident. He just left home barely 30 minutes earlier. The caller was unable to give details of the severity of the accident or what happened. As I drove out and met with traffic, I tried calling his number back to get more details but it was switched off. I contemplated calling family and friends but I decided to know the status of his health before calling anybody.
”Oh Lord, help me. You said we shall not die God, please keep my husband. I will not be a widow in my youth oh lord.”
Words of prayer failed me. I did not even know how to pray. Almost an hour later, I finally drove into the hospital compound and ran inside with deep fear, not knowing what to expect.
About Eight hours after, I finally sat in the office of the doctor to get a detailed explanation on Kenny’s condition. All I had been told as I waited was that he was alive and he had been taken in for ultrasound and later for surgery. The nurses refused to tell me the severity of the accident and I had brought hell down screaming and shouting. Eventually, I called my sister-in-law who came to wait with me and was able to calm me down. I had to leave the hospital briefly to use the cash machine and make some monetary deposits but aside from that I had been unable to drink even a drop of water.
”Mrs Ayorinde, thank you so much for your patience” the doctor started, but I quickly cut him short
”Sir, please just go straight to the point, how is he? What happened? What was the surgery for? Is he okay? Did the surgery go well?”
”Madam, I will answer all your questions but I need you to relax a bit”
”Okay, please go on” I said.
”Your husband is fine and the surgery was successful. He suffered from testicular injury as a result of the force of his testicles on the bicycle when the accident occurred”
”Jesus Christ!!!!! see trouble.. What do you mean testicular injury? He doesn’t have testicles again? How are we supposed to have children now? Haaaaaaa Kenny will kill me”.
”Please relax and let’s not jump the gun here. I didn’t say he doesn’t have testicles again. There was just some rupture and dislocation as well and that is why we had to do an immediate surgery. It has been successfully fixed,however one of the testicles was severely damaged and so it had to be removed,but with one intact and functional testicles now,we are hopeful that there should be no cause for infertility in the nearest future. Of course, we will advise that he stays off sexual activity for about 6-8weeks until he is properly healed to avoid him developing hernia. He should be fine within a week”.
”Okay doctor, thank you so much. So when will we be discharged”.
”I will want to just observe him for 3days to be sure he is okay. He should be able to go home thereafter”.
We eventually got home after staying in the hospital for three nights. His sister left us in the hospital later that evening after confirming that Kenny was okay. Kenny was withdrawn and quiet and it felt like the cycle had started again. It was still surreal that it was just three days ago that we agreed to call a truce and it felt like that did not even happen.
”Darling are you okay? I asked after he had settled down on the bed”
”Lola, no I am not okay. You know what? I regret marrying you. I don’t feel like the man that found a wife and found a good thing because it’s like your sole purpose is to cause me sorrow and sadness”.
My mouth was agape. I just did not understand the reason for such anonymity.
”You know when I decided to marry you I had a plan. I knew what I wanted. I wanted a woman who will love me and make me happy. I wanted a life of joy and happiness. I wanted to build fun memories of just the two of us even outside the kids but I have not had any of that with you. It’s from one problem to another. We have been married for just 9 months and already I am tired”
”Kenny, why will you say all these to me? Why? What exactly have I done to destroy your so called happiness so much?”
”Immediately after the wedding, it took about 2 weeks for you to even calm down enough to let me deflower you. As soon as that was over, you got fixated about pregnancy making sex totally boring. When I was talking to you about just enjoying each other and having fun, all you did was lie down there missionary style claiming that is the best way to get pregnant. After five months of that, you went into your so called fasting period and now because of all the frustration you have put me through, I went to ride my bicycle just to vent and got into an accident? Did you know it was because I was thinking about you that I lost concentration? And to crown it all, it’s like the devil was trying to crack a joke, testicular injury,one functional testicle,what if something else happened to the remaining testicle,you would go marry another man right? I am tired madam”
I sat there in silence not knowing what to say and after a while I just got angry.
”How dare you Kenny? How can you blame me for your sadness or so called unhappiness? I wake up daily praying for you and this is how you repay me? Was it not when you married me your business went from struggling and started excelling and you dare insult me? I wont let the devil use you more than he already has. This conversation is over. Do whatever you want”. I stood up from his side and walked out of the bedroom with deep confusion in my heart. For the first time I wondered if it would not have been a mistake marrying Kenny in the first place
My conversation with Kennyh made me realize he didn’t value me as his wife and so I made a decision to give him space. I called my mum and told her I was coming home for a week. I was able to convince her Kenny supported my decision and I packed my bags. I was going to go home for a week. The next morning I told Kenny about my trip,
”I listened to everything you said and I have decided we probably need to give each other some space. I am taking a break and travelling to my parent’s house”. I said
Kenny shook his head, ”you should be ashamed of yourself Lola. In fact when they call women to stand up, you should hide your face in shame. So you cannot take care of your home, you can’t satisfy your husband and now rather than deal with your problems you are running?
”Kenny, I refuse to be insulted. I sat quietly while you heaped insults on me yesterday but that doesn’t mean I will continue to take it. You said my presence is causing you sorrow and now I am giving you space. I will take the time apart to pray for us”
”I don’t freaking need your prayers madam. In fact, God will not answer that prayer because he has told you everything you need to do in the Bible. Stop praying for me and start satisfying me”.
”Ehen, so the other day, when I bought sexy lingerie and waited for you at home, did you not leave me hanging? You are confused and don’t know what you want”.
”You want to go? Fine! Get the hell out but you just might not meet this marriage when you come back”.
”Like I said, I will take the time apart to pray, God will sustain our home” I told him emphatically.
He just shook his head and closed his eyes on the bed, effectively ending the conversation. I packed my bags and headed straight to the airport.
Late in the night that day, while I sat in my parent’s sitting room, my mum was trying to get stories out of me.
”So why didn’t Kenny take a break with you madam?”
”Mum, he is busy with work, that’s the same thing I told dad before”.
”That doesn’t mean he should not spend a weekend with us. We have not seen him since the wedding.”
”Isn’t that why I am here? At least once you see one of us you have seen two of us. After all the two have become one.” I said laughing.
”Okay , no problem. I tried to call him earlier that we have seen his wife but he was not picking his call”.
”I am sure he will probably call you back tomorrow. He is probably resting early now that I am not home”.
”Okay, but Omolola how is marriage life? I hope you are being submissive and taking care of your husband well enough”.
”Mummy, did he complain to you? I am trying my best”.
”Why are you getting defensive? Is everything okay? I hope this delay in pregnancy isn’t putting you under pressure?”
”No, it’s not mum, we are fine with it. Everything is okay”.
”There is no cause for alarm yet. It’s not even up to a year yet. I waited 3 years before I was able to get pregnant with your elder brother and then u so everything will be fine.”
”I know mum…”
The hard knock on the door startled us.
”Mum are you expecting anyone so late? Its 11pm already and dad has gone to bed”.
”No I am not but it could be that our neighbours need something, go and open the door”.
As I got close to the door to open it, I was suddenly knocked off my feet by the force of it being jacked open. My eyes went wide open as I saw them, three in number with their weapons held up high. I closed my eyes shut and began to pray.
”Okay so pray very well beautiful girl, you just might need it” the voice said. My eyes was still squeezed shut so I could not identify which of them spoke. As soon as I felt a hand pull me by my hair, my eyes flipped open and I was dragged into the living room to meet my mum who was already in tears and shaking.
Five days later, I woke up once again with screams as has been the practice since that horrible night. My dad was immediately by my side soothing me as the tears rolled down my face.
”It’s okay Omolola. You’re fine and safe. Daddy is here”.
”Daddy, I am afraid. Kenny has not come”.
”I know he hasn’t. I will still call him again. Just try and get stronger first okay?”
”He hasn’t picked my calls dad. Since you told him, he has not picked my calls once”.
As my dad eventually left me alone in the bedroom with my thoughts, I recalled that evil night as clear as the day. I remember my dad being dragged from the bedroom and asked to give them money. I remember the exhaustive search for money which proved abortive as my dad and mum only had a total of about N50,000 at home. I remember adding the N20,000 I had in my bag and the man telling me I was insulting him with change. As soon as I apologized, he looked at me and really looked at me and I knew what he was going to do before he even did it. I could see it vividly in his eyes. I begged,
”Please, I am married. I beg you”
”So what are you doing in daddy’s house fine girl, your husband is not servicing you well abi? I will help his matter. He needs help”.
I begged, my dad and mum begged and his only response was because of their begging, he won’t make them watch. I fought as hard as I could and for every struggle there was a slap and a punch. He finally had to get the other man to hold me down. I fought every step of the way. I was numb. The physical pain was welcome, I could deal with that. I couldn’t deal with the heaviness that crushed my heart. All through as he kept thrusting faster than I could ever imagine, I thought of Kenny and how much pain this was going to cause him. I remember him warning me not to make this trip. He kept going on and on for about thirty minutes before he finally let go. Oh no,he didn’t even have the decency to use a condom. I had no strength left. I was broken. For the first time in my christian walk, I questioned God. I asked him questions. His silence was deafening.
It has been five days since my nightmare, five days since my dad informed Kenny, three days since I got back home from the hospital and he still hasn’t showed up. I have no more will left to live another day
After a whole month of daily calls to Kenny with no response, I finally gave up. I knew my marriage was over. I had gone through the full cycle from tears to pain in my heart to anger to being just blank. I have finally resigned myself to fate.
Even the strength to pray had left me. I have tried interpreting Kenny’s silence in different ways but my conclusion was that he just didn’t love me enough to fight for us. I sent him different text messages and not once did he humour me and respond. I just could not understand why a man will be silent after hearing his wife was raped.
As always my mum walked into my bedroom that Friday afternoon once again to ask what happened between my husband and I. She had soon figured out something was wrong but I always refused to tell her. ”Lola, you know what? Your father and I have tried. You have stayed in our house for over a month and we have been caring.
You can’t keep saying there is nothing wrong when I have been married for thirty five years and I know more than you” ”Mum, please I don’t have the strength to argue”. ”Okay then, your father and I have decided you can’t live here anymore. We will not harbour a married woman in our home. Since you and your husband don’t respect us enough to seek for advice.
Please go back to him or wherever you want but you cannot stay under my roof”. Still shocked at what she was saying, ”Mum?” ”Daughter!!! Yes?” I finally relented. I didn’t even have a plan B.” Mum, Kenny and I have serious problems. Our marriage is not even up to a year and we don’t even know how to move forward”. ”Okay tell me everything”. So I sat for over an hour and told my mum every single detail from my wedding night to the day I left Kenny’s house. Surprisingly, my mum did not interrupt or blow up at me.
I expected her to start screaming but her calmness amazed me. ”Heeeeeeee Omolola, O ti ba ye je ( you have spoilt the world)” She said in Yoruba language when I was finally done. ”Mummy haba, what did I do wrong? How can Kenny just abandon me here? His love is fleeting mum, it can’t even stand the test of time”. I said with deep anger and disappointment. ”hmmmmm, first of all, you are changing your church.
The kind of pastor’s wife that will give you such advise is not who you should be listening to. Why didn’t you call me? Why did you go to an outsider?” ”Mum, you are the one that said I should keep our matters private”. ”Not when it is crumbling my dear, we all need help once in a while”. ”Okay mum, what do we do now? Do you think there is any chance for Kenny and I”. ”Of course, your father and I have had greater battles that we have overcome. Marriage is filled with battles, we fight, win, conquer and fight another day.
We never give up. It only ends the day you stop fighting for it. Lola, you keep fighting till you conquer. There is no end. You made some terrible decisions and took some wrong steps”. ”Mum, what about Kenny? He took a lot of wrong steps too”. ”Yes, I will face Kenny but I need to talk to you first.
I told you not to kill yourself over not having a child yet. It will come. You shouldn’t have fasted and deprived your husband without his full consent. Moreso, you should have given him his marital rights between 6pm when you break your fast and midnight when the next day starts. You shouldn’t have run from your home without his consent and come hide here. To tell you the truth, it will take God for Kenny to be able to sleep with you again.
Both of you, your actions have spoilt a lot of things. This matter should not have generated to this level. First thing tomorrow morning, I am going back to Abuja with you, we are going to see your husband” True to her word, by 11 am on Saturday, which was the next day, we had arrived my house. As soon as I saw Kenny’s car parked in the compound, my heart started beating fast. I wished he was not home even though mum had called earlier and told him she was coming to see him. He opened the door as soon as we were approaching and I assumed he had seen us through the window and prostrated, greeting my mum in yoruba language. Kenny totally ignored me and my mum just smiled at us. I left them in the sitting room and went into the room.
Everything was just as I left it and my investigation as to whether somebody else had been living with him came up empty. I heard my mum call me from the living room and I quickly dropped my bag and went back to join them. ”Mummy, Lola does not want to be married. In less than a year of marriage she has shown blatant disregard and disrespect both for me and this home and I am sick of it.
Does she think if it was another man, he won’t have started womanizing by now? I stayed faithful even when she refused to be faithful to our marriage vows”. Kenny said with so much anger. ”Please don’t threaten us with tales of unfaithfulness. So you want an award because you didn’t cheat? I said. ”Keep your mouth shut Lola, just shut up” my mum shouted while Kenny just shook his head. I instantly felt remorseful. I listened as my mum and Kenny started talking. I truly listened to his hurts and pains as he opened up to my mum and for the first time I understood the gravity of where we were.
By the time they started talking about the rape incident, Kenny shed tears. He just kept quiet while tears fell from his eyes and I was broken for both of us. ”Mummy, I warned Lola, I warned her not to go. I haven’t been able to get that image out of my head ever since Daddy told me. Where do we start from? She refused to sleep with me all in the name of prayers and freely gave it to a thief?” ”Kenny, don’t say she freely gave it. We all still feel the pains of that night most especially your wife. The pain she is still in as a result of that incident is great.
She needs a lot of time to heal”. My mum said. ”I warned her, I warned her mummy” Kenny insisted. My mum began to talk to Kenny about us communicating better, about understanding each other and being quick to forgive. She spoke and fear gripped my heart as I looked at Kenny’s face. After so much advise from mum, Kenny began to calm down. ”Both of you need to pray, be patient and communicate” mum said again. ”Mummy, truth be told, I am not sure if this marriage still exists. I don’t even know where to start with Lola” Kenny said. ”You both start with forgiving each other and then take it one step at a time.
You start with conversations, heart to heart ones, share your pains and fears and with time the intimacy will come and with time you will heal”. ”Okay mummy, thank you ma.” Kenny said. About an hour later, mum left our home in a cab, headed to the airport for her flight back home. She refused to stay the night despite all our pleas. As soon as she left, I turned to Kenny to apologize. ”Baby, I am sorry”.I said to Kenny as he went back to sit on the sofa and I sat beside him. He turned to me, ”Omololami, I am sorry too, I am sorry I wasn’t with you during this painful period. Truth is, I don’t even know if we can fix this”. ”We will babe”, I said with renewed confidence, ”we will one day at a time…
THE END..
TO GOD BE THE GLORY…
What lessons have you learnt?

5 COMMENTS

  1. Wowww beautiful story. Alot of lessons learnt. Communication is the key. Secondly she should not deprive the husband of sex no matter what. I mean they are married. Overall am glad they had a happy ending.

  2. Marriage is a partnership in which the two agree and communicate their fears. Many blessings for sharing. May your hearts be relinquished to one another knowing it's a battle field

  3. waouuuu it took me 2days to fully read and understand dis story oo, chaii, I strongly believe that this story is real. I can't understand the fact that a woman will deprive her husband from having sex because of the so-called fasting period.
    The woman/man who advised her to do such has to be severely punished, massssaa.
    When sex is one of the things dat couple can't wait to have(atleast once a day if possible, loool), some other crase man/woman go come tell my wife not to have sex because she di fast, mein Gott! ä a go give dat person snake beating, massa. Kiki, dis story di really vex me massa,

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