I was told by an ardent reader of your blog that readers can share their problems and seek advice from other readers. Please share my story I am in a dilemma.
Four years ago at 36, I married an Akum woman, whom I thought was 36. We both wanted children, but unfortunately, she had miscarriage in the second year and stillbirth in the third year. We began consulting a fertility specialist.
After she started asking questions, my wife admitted she is actually eight years older than she had led me to believe. She’s 48 years old! She’s cried and cried, begging for my forgiveness.
She’s gone to try fertility treatments to get pregnant, but I don’t want her to continue that for health reasons. I have forgiven her but as an African man; I’m NOT willing to consider the adoption option. She says, of course, that she feared I would walk away if I knew the truth, but she must have known it would come out sometime, somehow. I think I still love her, she is really a wife material, respectful, lovable and very industrious lady but I feel so betrayed! Letting a husband believe you’re years younger than you are with all the implications for child-bearing, is a grotesque deception. Sometimes, I’m always wondering if some things she says are the truth. Moreover, after all the problems and years in-between, her beauty has really waned. She now looks old! We have become butts of joke from neighbours and even strangers when they see us walking together. I look way younger than she is.
I think of getting another wife, but that has not been my person. I think of divorce, but where do I start? Have I wasted 4 years of my life just like that? We still have faith that miracles do happen. Our pastor has asked me to forgive her and move on, that my ability to forgive her will make her more loyal and obedient to me. She is a naturally good person, but for this act of deception.
Maybe if my wife had been honest with me from the beginning, knowing her age I would have adjusted my planning and expectations for children. But she lied. Should I prove her right in her assumption that when I found out the truth, I would walk away? Any thoughts on helping us get through this?