God bless you for the good job you are doing on this platform especially concerning social issues. I was going through your private Facebook account and saw the heated debate going on there about “Career” and “Marriage”. This is what I saw posted on your wall “What is more important in a woman’s life? Marriage or a Career? I don’t want to hear both lol“. I wanted to comment about my own experience as a married woman without n career but thought it would be best to share it on this blog with a bigger audience so that more young girls can learn from my experience.
Note that all the financial burdens were on my husband. He gave me a monthly allowance for the house, kids and myself. The money he gave me was always less than the budget but I had to make it work. I spent everything on the house and the kids and kept nothing for myself. Most of my clothes and shoes were from the earlier days of our marriage. After two kids some of the clothes did not even fit me properly. We were living from hand to mouth! I remember one time when I had to use my children’s old nappy as a pad. I started menstruating at a time when my husband was broke and I had nothing left from the amount he gave me.
Well, my husband finished professional school and was promoted at his job. Things got a little better on the money department. However, I found out I was pregnant again. My third pregnancy was very complicated. I spent a lot of nights at the hospital. During that time my mother who lived in Bali was hospitalized too. My father is of late and I am the first child so everyone in the family was waiting for my husband to pay her hospital bills. My husband had no problem with that, the only people who started complaining was his family. They started saying, myself and my family were “eating” their sons money. I was very angry when my husband’s sister said that to my face when she came to visit me after our third child was born. I sacrificed my own dreams so he could have his!
I discussed it with my husband and he told me to ignore his family. After sometime my husband started behaving funny when I asked him for money to do anything. There was a time when he did not give me the usual monthly allowance until two weeks later. Myself and kids the ate rice cooked with palm oil and salt everyday for a week during that period. My husband stopped eating at home, one of my neighbours told me she had been seeing him eating and drinking at a popular restaurant about 2kms from our home with different women. Things only got worse. Two months ago my husband refused to give me my monthly allowance and we had to beg from the neighbours all the time. Some evenings I would take my kids to visit my friends during super time just so my children could be fed. The children cried all the time and missed out on school. That same month I took my kids to church and after the service I started praying and crying. The kids saw me crying and started crying too. The pastor’s wife saw us and joined me in my prayers. When done praying she took us to her house near the church and gave myself and the kids something to eat and drink. When the kids went outside to play with her own kids she pulled me to a corner and asked me what was wrong.
I opened up to her. I told her everything about my husband’s affairs and money problems. She was in tears as I narrated my predicament. When I finished she asked me what I wanted out of life and what I thought was my next move towards achieving it. I told her I have always wanted to be a Journalist but at this point a degree and finding a job will take too long. So what I wanted to do now was to get into a professional school and get training as a teacher. She smiled and told me she would help me. So we decided that I will send my kids to my mum in Bali. She offered to pay fees for the two years i would be studying in the school. The pastor’s wife also advised me to take computer classes so that I could work at the computer place she owned near the church on weekends.