I am in love with my elder sister’s ex-boyfriend


Hello Kinnaka,

I need advice and prayers from your KB readers. Please hide my identity. 

9 years ago, my elder sister dated Ambe (real name withheld) for almost three years when she was studying for a Geology degree in Buea.  
4 years ago, I met Ambe at a conference in Yaounde and we clicked immediately. He took me out for lunch and we talked about my family and my sister. I told him she was now married and living in Germany with two kids. He seemed happy for her and told me he is not yet married himself. We exchanged contacts at the end of the day and kept in touch and became really close friends. 
After about a year we both found out that we were very much in love with each other and started dating. Last week, Ambe asked me to marry him and I said yes because I believe he is my soul mate. The problem now is this; I have never told my sister that I am dating Ambe, I don’t know how she will feel about it. My family knows she is Ambe’s ex and I too have not told them about our relationship. I don’t know where to start or what to do? I don’t want to lose my sister and at the same time I can’t live without Ambe. 
What do I do please? 


  1. My Dear,
    My candit opinion was after you exchanged number and started talking before getting serious you would have consulted your sister and family there are some Exs that can be condoled with. In other case pray over it but you got yourself in a deep fire as i father I cannot marry you out to your sisters Ex. I hope you didnt sleep with him yet??? pray over it God will see you through.

  2. "I don't want to lose my sister and at the same time I can't live without Ambe." this statement shows you're locked up within ur own mind set. But u will eventually have to live without one of them and i guess not your sister in this case. A relationship is built from the mind to the heart…all you got to do is change your thinking and the situation will cease from being a problem to you. You were certainly living before u met Ambe. What makes you feel you won't live without him?

  3. Ma dear..you should have told your sister at the start..From my own piont of view..leave that boy pls..abeg big mami..

  4. That's not big problem. Talk to your sister, preferably on skype. Explain everything to her with no secrets. Humble yourself and like her know that her opinion matters a lot. She will give you her blessing. I promise u. Good luck

  5. Your problem leads your Love Ambe into 'incest' – think about it… What kind of in-law will you make Ambe and if your immediate family can take it will your friends and relatives do same? It depends the duration and closeness of Ambe's relationship with your sister – you caused this because u liked Ambe – men are more gullible and easier to get than women

  6. If you went ahead and accepted his proposal then why are you asking us? in my opinion you just want to waste our time… If you really truly loved your sister like you claim you would have told her about you and Ambe when the whole thing started. i will advise you tell your sister and stop boring us.

  7. Your sister was supposed to have been informed at first sight of you hooking up with Ambe not now my dear .I think either ways one person go remain to be clearly ok in d situation cus who knows ua sis may accept if u tell her but she'd feel some sort of betrayal of confidence cus u didn't tell her earlier which means in her mind u liked it n wanted it to reach culminate .Inorderwards it myt seem like a challenge to her face. ..in fact you best know what to do


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