My husband is 13 years older than me and I met him 6 years ago at a friend’s wedding. He proposed to me on my 28th birthday after two years of dating and we got married the following year. While we were dating I made it very clear to him about my desire for a big family. I have always loved kids even though I am an only child.
The first year of our marriage was really nice. Last year which is the second year of our marriage, I started getting stressed because I wasn’t taking in since I wanted kids immediately we got married. My husband consoled me and told me not to worry that we will have a child in God’s time.
My prayer at the beginning of this year was to have a baby. All my friends who got married after me already have kids. The more people ask me when I am going to have kids the more I get depressed over the issue. I feel so empty and unfulfilled.
Earlier this month, my mother-in-law visited us and made a shocking confession while my husband was out. She told me my husband had azoospermia (no sperm count) which is why his first marriage packed up. What! My husband never told me he was married before, and or the fact that he had azoospermia, I cried out. I was in shock! My whole marriage has been a lie!
My mother-in-law went on to say that the whole family has decided that I should have intercourse with my brother’s married younger brother, so I can get pregnant and the secret and shame will remain in the family. At this point I thought my mother-in-law has lost her mind. With a shivering voice, I asked her if his wife knew about the plan and she said no. It was between me and he two sons involved. I told her no! Never! I couldn’t wait for my husband to come back home. So many questions he needed to answer!
He came back home when I was in bed crying and immediately fell on the floor by the bed and cried with me. He told me he loved me so much and told me God made him like this and he is just trying to find a way to deal with it since he knows how much I love kids. I looked in his eyes and saw pain and sadness and my heart sank. For a moment I forgot the fact that he lied to me. We cried together for almost and hour then he told me that he is sorry for not telling me about his marriage because then he would have had to tell me about his “embarrassing” condition. He also told that I should make my decision based upon what I can live with.
The next morning I rang up my mother and told her. She was in disbelief! After a long 5 seconds of silence she told me that I should not do it. She also suggested adoption but I refused. I want my own child, my own blood. It has always been my dream. I wouldn’t feel fulfilled with an adopted child I told her. Everyone who knows about the issue have told me to take time and think about it.
I know my fulfillment and happiness will only come from having my own child so, should I go ahead and have the child with his brother or leave and find a fertile man? Please help me KB readers.