Mother or Nothing: The Agony Of Infertility In My Marriage

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My husband and I got married when I was 22, after courting for a year. I was excited when when his people came to my parents to ask for my hand in marriage.Oh! What a blessing I thought to my self,there I was getting married at 22 while thousands of women where out there, 30 and above and all they needed was a man to share thier lives with.We had a small traditional wedding because my husband could not afford to make a make a huge party,he had little to show off because was he was a primary school teacher. After we got married, I went back to Teachers training college Tutum to finish my training. We moved in together and I was excited to start a family immediately so we started trying for a baby. We went everywhere together and supported each other in every way. I later got a teaching job in the school where my husband thought and he was made the headmaster. So even though I didn’t get pregnant it was generally a good year. 

Three years of marriage and I didn’t still have a child. Family members especially my mother in-law started raising eye brows. She repeatedly questioned my inability to bear a child. I became so stressed and decided to confide in my mother who knowing the implications of what that was going to cause for me and my marriage,and the embarrassment she as a mother was bound to face from society,took me to a herbalist as first and only option.She was determined to take quick action to save the situation. Fours years into our beautiful union I was still not pregnant. My sweet and loving husband and his family started acting weird towards me. They will whisper things behind my back and when I walked into a room everyone Will go death silent.  A colleague of mine suggested that I should go see a doctor and check if anything was wrong. I did and after several test,the doctor confirmed that i was just fine and that he couldn’t understand why I wasn’t getting pregnant. 
My husband started refusing to eat my food. He invited his little sister to come and live with us and would only ate what she cooked. He would sit on a different bench from me in church and stopped walking to school with me. I noticed he became very friendly with a beautiful new teacher that started teaching in school. I was heartbroken even without knowing what was going on between them both,something about his friendliness towards her and cold shoulder towards me made me feel worthless and not beautiful.
On my way back from school one day, I found my clothes and everything that supposedly belonged to me outside. My mother-in-law was home with my mother. My mother looked so sad and told me she was asked to come get me because I was barren and couldn’t give them a grandchild. I was shocked and told my husband I am not going anywhere until he gave me back my virginity he took on the night of our wedding.My virginty,how I had kept it for ages just to waste it out to a man who was bow throwing me out? My mother begged me to leave as people were already gathering around when I raised my voice. I went back to my mother’s house in tears and they didn’t stop flowing for six months. I stopped teaching. I couldn’t believe I had a failed marriage at my age. Tongues were wagging around Tobin people will whisper behind my back in the streets. I was a stigmatised barren woman. 
Following my mother’s advice I left Kumbo for Yaounde to live with her brother who was driving the bus of one of the companies. Being away from Kumbo was good but I would have constantly been thinking about how much I had failed to give my husband a child. It did not help when my close friend wrote me a letter and told me my husband has taken the new primary school teacher as a new wife. My sadness increased and my uncle told me getting a job would distract me from worries. I went to all primary schools around where we lived and applied for a teaching job but unfortunately nothing went through.  My uncle came back home one day and told me his boss was looking for a house keeper to cook, clean and look after his 10-years-old son and asked me if I was interested in the job. I took the job to distract myself. 
My uncle took me to his bosses house that morning. I was shocked at how young the boss looked. When my uncle spoke about him I thought he was an old man. He was in his mid thirties and lived in a very big storey building with three floors. I started work immediately and his son was very nice to me. He seemed to be happy to have someone to talk to at home when his dad was at work. He told me his mum had passed away when he was just 6. We got along very well and he loved my meals. I wasn’t sure about his dad as he was very quiet and seem cold towards me.
Three months into my job my boss asked me if I wanted to move in to make things easy for me since my uncle wasn’t always available to pick me up after work. I discussed it with my uncle and he agreed so I moved in. Things started changing when I lived there, my boss spoke to me more, spent more time at home with me and his son and even bought me gifts. I was amazed at how nice he treated me even though I was just a poor girl from Kumbo. Unavoidable feelings for him started cripping into my heart. I became very cautious of my physical appearance especially when he was home. He gave me a few complements here and there and that was it. I didn’t know  if he had feelings for me or just being nice. One night I got my answer. He came into my room naked stinking of alcohol. He told me how much he wanted me and how difficult life has been for him and his son expecially when his wife died and people started accusing him of using her for money ritual. I totally understood how he felt due to my own unfortunate marriage and in that moment of weakness I left him have his way with me. He slept in my bed that night and the next morning was very embarrassing for us both. He told me if I he was really sorry and said if I wanted to stop working for him because our late passion he would understand. I told him to forget the whole thing happened. He became very distant in next three months and said very little to me. One morning I felt very ill and could not leave my bed. He came to my room to find out what happened that I didn’t serve his breakfast as usual. I told him I was ill and had been been in pain all night. He insisted that I see his personal doctor. 
The diagnosis from the doctor was shocking! He said I was two months pregnant! I told him it wasn’t possible, for crying out loud I been trying for years.By the way I did not miss my period,neither had I really had any sexual intercourse, except the night with my boss, it was just one night! I had no idea even seconds could do the magic after my experience of trying for years. The doctor explained that it was possible to be pregnant and still get monthly periods. I was excited! I immediately told myself I will look after the baby even if my boss did not want it. My uncle was going to be disappointed but that did not matter. I was going to be a mother. 
When I got home I packed my things and waited for my boss to get home then told him what the doctor said and told him I was living. To my surprise he asked me where I think I was going to with his baby. I told me to go back and unpack my things and go to sleep. The next morning he came to the kitchen when I was making his breakfast and asked me to marry him. What! I looked at him as if he was mad. He told me he has been in love with me from day one and the baby just helped him act upon it…I was in th month! I confessed my love for him too. 
When I got home I packed my things and waited for my boss to get home then told him what the doctor said and told him I was leaving too because I of course I expected him to beleive that I had faked something to be a part of his fortune,it was and still is common for successful men to beleive that women will come after them for thier wealth.Surprisingly he asked me where I think I was going to with his baby,he told me to go back and unpack my things and go to sleep. The next morning he came to the kitchen when I was making his breakfast and asked me to marry him. What! I looked at him as if he was mad. He told me he has been in love with me from day one and the baby just helped him act upon it.I confessed my love for him too. 
Fast forward five years later I am mother of our two beautiful kids (my step-son and  my little girl) and currently pregnant with twins and just completed ENAM. My first husband is still childless and his wife after me left him. Rumour has it that he cannot father a child. He has become a laughing stock in Tobin, Kumbo.
Why did I share my story in the platform?
-Firstly,  I just want to educate my fellow Africans that the absent of a child in marriage is not always the woman’s fault. Stop victimising women for something they know nothing about. Even the absent if a boy child is not the woman’s fault. What comes out of the man is what is responsible for the sex/gender of the child. 
– Secondly Africa women please stop blaming yourself for failed marriages. It takes two to make the marriage work, so if it fails it is not entirely your fault. 
– Thirdly, trust God in every situation you are in. He can change your story in a second.

11 COMMENTS

  1. As inspiring as this story is, I shake my head at the main reason African women want husband and children – to kill gossip. Using another human being and bringing one into the world to give yourself a good name…to get society's respect. To be given a seat in village meetings. What a pity. My dear, it was a shame when women over 30 weren't married because in those days a woman/girl will grow old in her father's house until a man takes her. The destination was father's kitchen was husband's kitchen. Not office, not parliament, not presidency. Women are so unhappy these days because after they obtain the society's certificate of wifehood and motherhood, they are at lost at how to proceed from there to get a certificate of self-gratification.

  2. Amennnnn. Stories that touch. Wowwwww am inspired and motivated by this beautiful story. It's not over until God says so.He has the final say.

  3. Queenie favoured My dear, I just had to tell u, there is this our own KB n there is you. I come for ur comments, you just too funny. God bless Africa ooo n their baby issue. I already to my fiance we are adopting even if we have kids or not, n the guy is like as long as u give me mine. I love this story n shed a tear .

    • Awwww thanks darling. Am honoured and flattered ooh. It's me contributing the Lil I can to this blog. Am always looking forward to other comments too. I love interacting. These story was worth shedding some tears my dear. God has the final say.

  4. Wow!!! God who carries water in d basket to shame d bucket! Ds is beyond touching… God is really a God of justice… Hw fights our battles for us.

  5. My dear you welcome. Lol I don't know how Google+ work ooo, but sent u a text via hangout. I see life in a huge picture and such stories just ache bad. To be honest, I did not want her story to end, I love it.

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