Can Cameroonian Law Save me From the Bondage of a Dissatisfactory Marriage?

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Thanks you for giving me this unique opportunity to express myself on this platform. Please hide my identity.

Now to my story; I had my first son at the age of 18 and unfortunately for me the man who fathered the child refused to take responsibility. My father passed away that same year so I named him after my father. My mother helped me look after my son while I continued my studies.
After university I got a job as a secretary in a local company. After working there for a while my boss who was 10 years older than me told me he was in love with me and wanted a relationship with me. I was excited and told him yes. Men my age were off the list of the kind of man I was looking for, after my experience with my son’s father. I wanted a man that will understand and treat me like a queen and not someone I will have to look after.
I dated my boss for two years and he asked me to marry him. My mother was not very pleased, she didn’t like the fact that he was a Muslim and much older but I told my mum not to worry as I loved him dearly and he treated me like a princess. He showed me off to all his friends. It was refreshing to have a man that is not trying to hide me from the world.
Immediately we got married I packed up my son’s things and we moved into my husband’s house. That night after we moved in, my husband told me he was uncomfortable with another man’s son under his roof and instead I took my son back to my mum and he would send monthly allowance to her for his up keep. This disturbed me dearly and I asked him why he didn’t tell me before our marriage and he said it was because it did not come up. We fought a lot about it so to avoid ruining my young marriage I took him back to my mother.
Two weeks after my son was gone my husband asked me to stop coming to work with him and stay at work and take care of the house. I told him I enjoyed working but he told me he made enough to make my life very comfortable and I didn’t need to work and stress about anything. “I don’t want to waste my education” I explained to him. He didn’t listened and insisted I had to stay home.
Something about the man I dated and the man I married was very much different. The man I dated was loving and understanding and the one I married was controlling and petty. I realised we didn’t talk about how things will change and how we will want them to be when we are married. We didn’t talk about my son’s situation and didn’t talk about my work. I realised I had everything in my marriage except my freedom. My husband had the driver drive me everywhere and I had limited visits to my son. The next thing I knew he wanted me to convert from from Catholic to Muslim. I told him no and he said it was either that or I walked out of the marriage. My head was spinning, so many changes in my life in just the first year of marriage took a negative toll on me. I became the shadow of myself and very unhappy. As a Muslim, I had to dress and act differently and for the love of my husband and the need to safe my marriage I tried as much as possible to fit into the Muslim community. Two years later we were blessed with two girls, twins. My husband was so happy and bought me a car as a present immediately. I told him it was time to take driving lessons but he convinced me there was no need as the driver would always be there to drive me around.
When our girls were 3 years old, my mum was involved in a car accident and died immediately. When we buried my mother I decided to talk to my husband about my son’s living arrangement since he was left with no one but me. Shockingly my husband refused, he insisted that he didn’t want another man’s kid growing up in his house and corrupting his own kids. I asked him where he wanted my son to go and he told me to contact his dad and take him there. When I told him I didn’t know the where about of his father he suggested I asked my mothers sister to take my son in.
I told him I don’t want my son away from me again as I already feel guilty for all the years I left him with my mother. He told me if I was unhappy with that I walk out of the marriage without my girls and only with what I walked into the marriage with.
I am torn apart my people. I don’t want my son away from me. I don’t want my son to feel left out but if I try to fight for him I would lose my girls too. What do I do at this point? Who can I contact as far as the Cameroon legal system is concerned. I need advice please.

11 COMMENTS

  1. As most African's like to believe and the world at large even the Caucasian's cry. It's a man's world. Most girls are brought up without self love.
    Darling did you notice the pattern in your life? Love can't be gotten from these demi god's called men.
    Start by loving yourself, accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. Look up to God and not to man. Don't focus on your mistakes, meditate on your blessings.
    In order not to repeat this man issue problem again. The first one rejected you and your son is suffering. The second one disrespects you in many ways your value and your own son.

    Ask yourself why don't you love yourself. Did you notice after your rejection, your marriage is your priority before common sense? You separated from your son, you converted to muslim. Na wah oh your self esteem has really been knocked down. your values disregarded.

    You never mentioned that you did due dilegence as to why your Oga at large was single and unmarried.
    A lesson to single women to discuss during courtship values within marriage and notice the body language.
    The ultimate discern er of character is God. Not a Pastor Priest or whatever ask him and he will tell you for he knows the future.
    If you don't have peace, a love one doesn't have peace about your relationship go to God for direct answers.

    In all our getting get wisdom. Pray for wisdom, you know the grounds for divorce is adultery with Christians. As for the Muslim law am not well versed. Did you marry in court or traditional.
    Do you have a support system in case you leave your selfish husband?

    My solution will be you taking your son and into your home. And let your son see you fighting for him.
    Madame you made your marriage the alpha and omega of your life. that's why he can be dictating all that nonsense for his own pleasure. He doesn't love you and you know it. but since your marriage is your priority.
    Shalom a legal solution it's on it's way.

  2. What were u thinking? (A christian getting married to a muslim and worse of it all is the fact that u the lady is the christian). However, As far as CMR legal system is concern, that will do u no good because your husband has no stake over your son and secondly before marriage, there is no prove that he was to take care of your son. So should u opt for that, u might likely lose both your marriage and your girls. If u have been coping with your son living under another roof(mother's) for these whiles, u can as well make him live with your aunt temporarily while u use that time to trace the father and have him take responsibilities for his son.
    Thanks for sharing all the same dear, because this is an eye-opener for all those who get married without properly investigating the backgrounds of that to be partners.
    Just a point worth noting: no matter how strong the bond of love u have for each other when dating, never you allow emotions to influence your decisions because it might be catastrophic in the end!

  3. This is EXACTLY what happens when women begin to value marriage more than their own integrity. I do not blame your husband. I blame YOU for letting him reduce YOU to a shadow of yourself. I blame YOU for choosing to stay with a man who refused to accept you entirely (you without your son).I blame YOU for converting to a religion you KNEW would never bring you peace… all for the sake of being married! Now that you are at crossroads, you have to find YOUR identity and leave his behind.
    Now that you have no financial backbone, it would be harder for you to sustain yourself without him.i am sure this was gis aim; to reduce you to a servant, and it worked!

    We women need to STOP killing ourselves to please these men who sometimes refuse to accept us for who we are. Now that the deeds have been done, you have to stand on your own. Be firm and brave in your decisions. Going to court will not help, because his affluence will more likely shove your complaints under the rug. Return to Christ, and lay your requests at his feet. Please, do apologize to your son, as well, for all the trauma you have put him through. Monthly allowance isn't enough. A child needs the love and presence of his mother most.Good luck!

    • Toi tu connais Vanessa… tu bois quoi? Chai I need to buy you a drink! you always hit the nail on point.

      I MUST MARRY BY FIRE BY FORCE.
      Single ladies please learn from this predicament.
      My ex boyfriends have all apologised. But to the world they make front pose chai I am the man. They hold me to high respect trust me.
      Learn your self worth and know you are valuable. Wars have been fought because of woman's vagina!

      If we stand together the men will change. Liberia no sex – didn't the war stop.

      these women knew and know their worth. It's not about sex it's about knowing you are valuable.

  4. I sympathize with your marriage situation. I believe it's mentally draining but like some people have said, return to Christianity. Your son will probably suffer more living under the same roof with your husband. Since your girls are stable and well provided for, focus on your son. If it means leaving your husband,leave. Everything will settle down and later on your husband will relax. Avoid putting yourself in harm's way by aggravating your spouse with reasons to allow your son into his life. Move out, start all over, and trust me God will be with you, through the valley of the …Okay good luck

  5. My dear your situation is a tough one. Seriously the biggest mistake u made was not to discuss your son with your husband before the marriage. The man has to accept the "entire you" meaning u n your son and accept to be a father to him (If i were u, i would have gone to the extent of adoption if d guy really loves and wishes to marry me n given to that the boy's biological father isn't in d picture). Now,the poor boy is d one suffering from ur mistakes. In my opinion, u should move out, after all thats all he keeps saying.Just keep praying and trusting God my dear for your girls.

  6. Tough situation. I feel for the poor boy. It will be total greed to abandon your first fruit cos of a selfish marriage. Look for a job to do n sign out of these greed. Cos the way your husband seems controlling. You are already in bandage and no guarantee that the marriage will last. Cos you will get tired of accepting his rules. As for me I will find a way of leaving but not without my girls.

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